It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize