come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
