so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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