my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
