We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
