I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
