she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
