her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
