god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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