i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
