she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
