Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
