i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
