So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I love you. Go after that dick
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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