The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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