He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
