Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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