We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
