Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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