she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
false alarm, still single
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
