stop calling my apartment porn island.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
