My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
