If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She bit a glass in half.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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