found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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