Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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