My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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