And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
