I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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