And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
