So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
