He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
