Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
