I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize