And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
