I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
