You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
