My room smells like vodka and shame
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You're like the curious george of whores
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
