i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
