if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
