I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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