period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
