dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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