I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
pop tarts are not kleenex
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
