Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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