Yo dont text me then not text me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
