I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
