if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
