dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
