you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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