He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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