I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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