yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
