i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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