**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
