Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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