He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Your penis caused this!
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