all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
