i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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