between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
