remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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