This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
