Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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