forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Drake has all the answers
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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