What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
