All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
