you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
