Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
