Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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