When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
