So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
