i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
