Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
