I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
