even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize